Third Time’s a Charm

…Or so they say. I’ve never really believed “them” but here I am, eating my own words.

And they’re not the tasty kind like in The Phantom Tollbooth.

The thing is, I’m a quiet, observant type. I like watching, and I like listening. By being so observant, I typically form very strong opinions on the things people do and such, and I’m not afraid to share those opinions so much as at the time, in verbal conversation, I’m either 1) too lazy, 2) too bored, or 3) too annoyed. 

"Dear, do not speak unless you can improve the silence!" - Personal Motto #32

Because of or as a cause of my observation-based social tactics (antics?), I also tend towards watching other people do something before I attempt to do it on my own. That way, I don’t fail. Again, it’s not that I’m afraid of failure—no matter how much I observe, I can never guarantee success and if I never act that in itself is failure—I just would rather make informed decisions rather than ignorant ones.

But, here I am, starting my third blog within a two month time period. I think the reason I failed at my first two attempts was that the two were pretty specifically niched, and so when topics came up that didn’t “fit” I felt nervous to write, and so I didn’t. Furthermore, I was having a hard time reaching out to similar blogs to try and get my name “out there.” (I mean, I’m writing for me, but why post something online if you don’t want it seen?)

So why “variable alterity?” It’s kind of an oxymoron, for one thing, and for another, it sounds quite a bit presumptuous.

I plan to write about a lot of things, because a lot of things interest me. I have a lot of goals that I care a lot about, a lot of topics that are very near and dear to me, and a lot of time on my hands (at least, for a little while…). Some of these things seem to contradict each other…

My ultimate goal in life is to be a marvelous wife and a wonderful mother. Also, I would love to continue my education, get a Ph.D. in Horribleness in sociology and teach at a university. Then again, I would also love to be a steampunk and/or fantasy and/or [insert other genre] YA author. As a sociologist, I’m fairly postfeminist and one of my main criticisms of feminism is that it features a high sense of entitlement for women to literally have access to anything and everything they want whenever they happen to want it. I firmly believe you can’t have everything in life (or at least not all at once) but I feel torn between seeking a family and seeking a degree because the decisions I make now (“should I go out on a date tonight, or should I stay in and study for Contemporary Social Theory?”) might literally affect my decisions on these matters later. Further, feeling torn like this makes me feel like I’m betraying my postfeminist ideology in that the very fact that I’m confused as to the order I want to do these in implies that I could want to do them all at once—I don’t want to do them all at once, but plenty of people will tell me I can and I’m sick (on so many levels) of arguing with people that do! And if I’m sick of arguing with people that do, why should I want to continue in sociology!? And even then…I’m not actually postfeminist…I’m a Levinasian theorist that happens to agree with some postfeminist criticisms of feminism. LET ME BE LEVINASIAN!!!

…I could go on, but I think you can get a sense of the feelings of hysteria I’ve been dealing with over the past few months.

So those are the variables: ideology, career, family, likes, dislikes…

So there’s the alterity: I’m a Levinasian theorist that believes that it’s okay that I have all these divergent interests and that it’s okay to be Otherwise and change and live.

It’s what makes me interesting; it’s what makes me human. That’s what I want this blog to be about: me. My goals, my dreams, my decisions, my fears, my failures and my successes. As my Other, I hope I can help you learn something about yourself I write. As your Other, I hope you’ll teach me something about myself.

Let’s go on this journey together.

--Heather

P.S. How many pop-culture references did I make in this post, sheesh! You might think I was a total media geek or something…

P.P.S. Don’t worry…If you're lost on terms like “Levinasian” and “postfeminism” and “alterity” I'm sure I'll have a post defining them soon enough... ;)