Man-Failure Disorders

I think it’s a pretty easily understood equation:

=

Now, that’s vastly, vastly, vastly understated, obviously, and I’m leaving a lot of variables out, obviously, but I think you get my point.

So why is it hard for people to grasp that:

(if you don’t get it, watch this…)

=

Again, vastly understated, yadda yadda.

Don’t get me wrong: I think ELR is a very amusing show. I also think Jessica Alba is beautiful. By themselves, shows like these and actresses like these aren’t detrimental to society—the way the media uses them to warp people’s perceptions of reality is, though.

(Now, please understand, I’m typically the last to seriously blame all of our social problems on the media. I think they get a LOT more grief then they deserve, but that argument deserves its own post, so just run with me for a little on this one…)

People like to be liked. People like to have high self-esteem. For better or for worse, for many people the two are connected. The tricky part is that there are very few people that have access to a “Magical How To Kit” for making friends, keeping friends, for actually liking the friends that you make and keep, for being a friend to yourself, etc.

So, lacking a “Magical How To Kit,” a person has to seek out advice on how to acquire affection, affirmation, and the works. One might talk to parents, friends, co-workers, neighbors, pets, and ceiling fans with some success…but there’s one more very important factor…

People are apt to think that their individualized experience only applies to them, and so no one really understands them 100% (which has some validity…again, another post for another day…).

So, at the end of the day, “Well, mom just doesn’t understand because she’s not a teenager,” or “Susie doesn’t understand because she already has a boyfriend” or whatever.

But, lo and behold! Halleluiah, and glory be! There is one place where someone does understand us, in all our individualized lonesomeness, completely…The characters in fiction are hand crafted to be relatable to everyone. Journalists are taught from day 1 to make their stories personally engaging and personally relatable.

So it’s really no wonder that people like to believe, are willing to believe, and/or find themselves believing that the media really portrays reality accurately.

I don’t want to minimize the prevalence and destructive nature of eating disorders, but I want to emphasize that it isn’t the only way the media has wedged its way between people and the high self esteem they deserve.

Let’s face it: husbands (men in general) in media get a pretty hard rap. Men are consumers of the media, and are constantly hearing and seeing that they’re not good enough and that they never will be good enough. Then, they might start to question it themselves:

“Am I really like that?”

Then the women consume that same media. They get a taste of what “real men” are like, and they start to see how flawed (actual) real men are, and that men aren’t good enough and that they never will be good enough. Then, they might start to question it themselves:

“Do I deserve a man like that?”

Then, if the momentum continues to build, the women might start asking the men:

“Why aren’t you like this?”

And eventually, the women might start just flat out saying:

“You aren’t like this. You aren’t good enough. You never will be good enough.”

Ladies, please…don’t you see how that’s just as bad as the men in your life thinking or saying that you’re not skinny enough?

This turned out to be a lot more soap-boxy than I originally intended, but I’m not going to apologize. It’s a problem in society; I’m not going to lie and say it isn’t.

The only answer I have for it is to start respecting each other more, and unfortunately, I can find no compelling evidence that such is going to happen any time soon, on a societal level. I’d love for someone to suggest a more short-term solution if they have one. I’m all ears!

--Heather

P.S. If you’re interested in some of the broader implications of this issue, or want a man’s perspective, or don’t really buy my argument, you might be interested in reading Dan of SDL’s recent blog “Mom pushed Daddy out the door.”